80’S SIDE CHICS, TODAYS CHRISTIAN MOTHERS

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A trip into the social media street in Nigeria will show that one of our latest obsessions is the side chic! Surprisingly at a time when the president of the country lives in London on a perpetual medical live and The agitation for self-determination rages different parts of the country, The youths in their typical survival mechanism of clowning and arguing over jollof rice and big brother are obsessing over the side chic.

Now who is a side chic? I do not think I am qualified enough to define this phrase so I will refer you to facebook and Nigerian blogs for a more robust understanding of the phrase. In my little understanding, side Chics are women who  are having a romantic or sexual relationship with a man they are not married to while he is married to someone else and also includes women who are involved with men in ‘serious relationship’ with another woman. This automatically includes the ignorant ones who think they are dating a potential husband without knowing the man is actually married.

The opposite of side chic is wife or main chic depending on whether the man in question is married or not. Now this means that a girl could be a side chic without even knowing, that is if per adventure you date a man who has another more recognised girlfriend, you are a side chic irrespective of the fact that you are both being cheated on.

Now explaining the dynamics of the side chic status is not the subject of this write-up. The subject is focused on the whereabouts of the side Chics of the 80’s and 90’s, the phrase might be different but from the definition, side Chics have been there even before Mark went to Harvard and created facebook so where are the side Chics of the past?

The side Chics of the 80’s are the Christian mothers of today, they are the virtuous women and caring mothers we celebrate and extol at every opportunity we get. Our mothers are the side Chics of the past, now married and righteous and virtuous and inspiring a whole generation of us…

To be continued….

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THE NIGERIAN DREAM

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What is the Nigerian dream?

One of the many things that fascinated me about America is the American dream, what is the American dream?

The American dream is a national ethos of the United States, a set of ideals (democracy, rights, liberty, opportunity, and equality) in which freedom includes the opportunity for prosperity and success, and an upward social mobility for the family and children, achieved through hard work in a society with few barriers.

In the definition of American dream by James Truslow Adams in 1931 stated that ‘ life should be better and fuller for  everyone with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement regardless of social class or circumstances of birth’ .

The American dream is the reason Nigerians are excelling in America irrespective of their Nigerian background, it also the reason artists from all over the world travel to America to chase their dream and promote their career. It is also the reason America is the destination for every dreamer and ambitious mind world over.

The American dream simply means anybody can be somebody irrespective of their background. That brings me back to my initial question; what is the Nigerian dream?

The answer to this question is a big black empty hole, it’s an eerie silence in a dark field with the chirping of the cricket; there is nothing like the Nigeria dream.

The absence of a Nigerian dream does not automatically imply the opposite of the American dream, but sadly in practice the opposite of the American dream is the reality of the Nigerian life and society. That is to say that your social class and circumstances of birth are both determinant factors in your quest for success.

We might have had a Nigerian dream different from the American dream and anchored on an entirely different sets of principles but nevertheless a dream that every Nigerian irrespective of tribe, class and religion could look forward to, a dream that will be bigger than our tribal differences, the pursuit of which will trump our religious alliances, but instead we have a Nation of private interests with superiority of some people acquired not through hard work or any other route recognised and respected, but rather through seizing of opportunity presented for many for themselves and sacrificing our common interest and growth as a Nation at the altar of a closed elitist crowd with no vision, plan or ideology.

The Nigerian situation is the type where tribe trumps talent and family name supersedes class of degree. Religion is more important than performance and productivity is sacrificed daily for regional alliance. It is a nightmare that cannot be a dream for even the worse visionless leadership anywhere in the world, surprisingly it has been embraced and promoted and the nation have continued to go from bad to worse with the underdogs resorting to unbelievable means for survival; the hangman’s noose in Indonesia and Malaysia must have gotten tired of the Nigerian blood it sheds every now and then but then again we are a country of clowns and kings. One lives a royal life style with Nations resources buried in the soak away while the rest joke and make memes of the dire situation.

I am a dreamer, and dreams for me remain the only romance that can spice this ungodly union of a Nation.  Without a Nigerian dream, there will be a country but a Nation will always elude us.

by Chinyere Ifediora

THE HELPLESS WIDOW IMAGE

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There are so many foundations and NGO’s out there fighting and supporting the ‘helpless widow’ and for some reason I find the idea of a woman being tagged helpless for losing a spouse to be totally nauseating and insulting to the whole concept of womanhood.
As a Nigerian girl, the only expectation the society places on you is that you get married and have babies. You can have a PhD in marine biology and nobody will ask why you are not off to some exotic location in the Atlantic studying some dying specie as long as you are married with babies. Tell your old classmates that you saw the best graduating student from your class and the first question they will ask you is; ‘is she married?’!
The truth is that a woman studying too much is a turn off for the Nigerian society, I once read an article that said ladies should not study weird sounding courses rather that they should stay with law, botany, economics etc, it even went as far as saying that it is advisable for women to stop at masters level if they are single. Of course it was written by a Nigerian and supported by Nigerians.
Most Nigerian girls marry before they graduate from school and those who don’t marry ‘on time’ that wait to graduate are put under so much pressure to marry as soon as possible. The pressure on girls to marry off so soon usually affects their career and life goal and creates the impression that your degree and education are mere camouflage and the only true calling of a woman is to marry and have babies.
This picture would have been more acceptable to my senses if it wasn’t for the other picture of a helpless widow that is happily painted by the same society. I keep thinking that the only reason that we are beseeched by the plight of the ‘helpless widow’ is because of the little expectation we place on our girls. If a girl were to make use of her degree, talent and strength before and even after getting married, losing a spouse could be taking in strides because we will have a more stable and industrious widow as opposed to the ‘helpless widow’ we are usually cramped with.

HOW TO BECOME A MADAM

madamIn my country, we love titles and we have so many of them, they are one thing we can borrow from different countries, different languages and there is no limit to how many of those titles a person have affix to his/her name. sir, mr, mrs, barr, dr, chief, otumba, highchief, prof, ozo, iyom, dame, miss, engr, arch, accountant, architect and pointedly madam! The list is endless and some people go as far as adding three or four before their names and a few after.
To attach these names, you either get married, get a certain degree, clinch some position, even take a chieftaincy or even better still just add it for the heck of it and insist on it. Thankfully we are a very ‘respectful’ society too and no one will want to offend you by calling you without your chosen title. As a matter of fact, if you fail to attach one we will happily attach one for you because far be it from us that we will address you with you name without some really ‘respectful’ prefix.
But how does one become madam? I remember a neighbour from my childhood that everyone called madam but I never really figured why and unfortunately, she died before I could ask her. thankfully I met another madam recently, she gave me her number in the course of a transaction and when I asked her her name so that I could save the number she pointedly informed me her name was ‘Madam Emily’ she emphasised the madam so much that I mischievously asked her how come she is a madam and she stood up, shook her two really fat arms and asked me whether she is not worth the title.
That was when it hit me, I was still too far from making the madam title! Because the one sure way to become a madam is to pad up the fat!!! Get so fat that the fat underneath your arms can dance to their own tune whenever you lift them and you are automatically a madam!
There is no secret, you just cannot be slim and lay claim to that prized title, you just have to get fat and really fat then and only then can you demand to be addressed as a madam. Now you have it…happy becoming a madam.
Cheers!

THE AGE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

Righteousness in the eyes of men is an age issue; young children are righteous even in the eyes of the law. Under the Nigerian law, children under the age of seven are not capable of committing crime. In other words; they are still within the age of righteousness!
Old people are another category of people that are righteous; but in their case it has all to do with human perception and nothing to do with the law. An old grey haired man can lie through his teeth and have us accept his lies as the truth because his age bars us from questioning his words.
We always hear people talk about their wonderful god fearing mothers and their wise principled fathers and you wonder whether these men and women being referred were not one time young sinful exuberant youths.
Parents who criticise the youths for their hair styles and fashion are the same people that grew afro in the 60’s and 70’s and wore booth cut trousers and fitted shirt and the shortest dresses ever made but they have scaled into the age of righteousness and have become good.
Most of us have heard the ‘when I was your age, I took only first position’ lecture form parents and teachers alike and you wonder whose parents ever came last in class. But these lies are like some holy grail; to be respected and unquestioned since the lips that speak them are righteous old lips.
Young girls are considered promiscuous and elderly women find faults in their sons young female companions, but promiscuity is not a modern word so the promiscuous girls of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s are now the pious, decent, prayerful mothers of today.
Maybe the next time a girl is called promiscuous or even a prostitute as most men like to throw around, she should relax and pray for long life because once that is attained, she can confidently mature into the age of righteousness because really, to be young is to be sinful, trying to prove otherwise will only drag one to the depth of hypocrisy and self-righteousness that murders free will and individuality.

THE BEGGARS AND THEIR GOAL

Once upon a time Nigeria was being ruled by one party and the party had so much pride and confidence that her leadership boasted that they will rule Nigeria for the next fifty years. I knew wining election in Nigeria was not an intellectual thing and that knowledge made me believe that the party in power could rule for a hundred years if they choose.
Since the people in power hold the country’s resources, share the contracts and hold enough resources to rig elections and give ‘dividends’ of democracy during election time, it follows that they will continue to win elections while every opposition either aligns with them or be content with the few minor wins they muster.
The game changed last year when a couple of the ruling party’s bigwigs walked out of the party’s national convention and joined the major opposition. But that is not the subject of this write up, because despite the noise the now stronger opposition makes, they seem to have been clamped with the kind of delusion that will cost them the election come 2015.
Few weeks ago a group of top members of the ruling party, mostly members from south east geopolitical zone travelled the treacherous road to Anambra State to beg their former governor to join the party. Treacherous because I have passed through the valley of shadow of death that consist of Enugu/Onitsha express way through which one has to pass to assess Anambra state.
As an observer and a disappointed Nigerian, I have long noted two things concerning the South East zone with regards to 2015 election; they do not have any presidential ambition and secondly, they will vote for Jonathan Goodluck even if he refuses to come and campaign in the South East.
My earlier observation made me wonder why this group of Igbo men and some top party men will tread this path of solicitude in a state where they already won 2015 and for a personality that will play little or no role in deciding the fate of the party in the next election. I decided their reasons must be the same reason Igbo party members gathered in Enugu and ‘begged’ Jonathan Goodluck to run for re-election; selfish interest born out of greed!
It is no doubt that the Igbo race is led in the political scene by self-centred men who will sell out at the slightest hand out. It has not only made the south east irrelevant, it has also made them minority in Nigeria’s political structure.
The ruling party does not need the former governor of Anambra state to win election in Anambra, the people have been sufficiently tribalised and de-educated to the point where they will willingly vote the Christian Southerner over a Muslim Northerner without question! They have also been maligned against the opposition party to a point where the opposition party will lose in Anambra State even if they present Jesus Christ as their candidate.
Maybe the ex-governor needed to join the party but lacked the face, having spent the past eight years fighting the party’s members at the state level while supporting the party at the federal level. Maybe the ex-governor needed the big party’s crumbs and decided being begged to join was in every way better than just joining the party.
I will only observe and see what role the Igboman have decided to play in the next Nigeria, because clearly, the Igbo race is in a political dearth!